My Self Evaluation Part 1

I think I am a complicated type of person.  People who are close to me have different perspectives of my personality.  Sometimes I'm regal and classy and sometimes I'm grungy and lousy.  I have my moods and most of the time, I can't even handle them myself.  I don't get mad easily but I get hysterical when I'm at  my wits end.  I easily cry and I cry a lot.  But most people think of me as a toughie.  Believe it or not, I am sometimes amazed of my own capabilities especially with the way I handle my ordeals with grace.  I still cuss but I try my best not to because of my three kids and my profession as a teacher.  For the longest time now, I have not been romantically involved with anyone yet I have crushes so I have my own "kilig" moments.  

A teacher and an ex-crush described me as meek and mild while another ex-crush said that I am a spoiled brat.  I have a better life now so I don't see any reason to be bitter with the men from my past.  Nevertheless, I'm not yet financially stable so I accept rackets left and right.  I am blessed to have loyal and supportive friends who are with me in good times and bad.  I'm fortunate to have loving parents who always remind me that I don't always have to learn life's lessons the hard way.  I'm blessed to have children who love me and seem to understand that I have to be away from them most of the time so that I can buy them nice clothes and delicious snacks.  I like my life now although I still feel a pang of emptiness deep within me whenever I evaluate my life like this.

I am a small girl with big dreams for myself and my family.  Each day I'm learning; and each day is a struggle.  I may have wasted a lot of opportunities but I don't want to live my life thinking about the "what ifs" because I am definitely happy with my decisions no matter how people think of them as insane and irresponsible ones to make.

I am Maria and I am not perfect. I don't even plan to be one.