..almost dead

My body's dead tired. I woke up late this morning and arrived to school late, as expected. My boss didn't notice me when I arrived thank goodness. So to cut the story short, I started the day with a blunder and I had more blunders after that.

For the fourth time, I changed the seating arrangement of the pupils for their graduation ceremony.
For the third time, I made changes with my program invitation.
For the second time, a parent walked out on me because of the special awards issue.
For the fourth time, a colleague corrected me with the way I handle the practices.
For the third time, our school janitor/guard, who acts like the principal, scolded me for not returning the cd player to its proper place.

And all of these happened just this week. But who cares?! This is my job description and I am happy to know that some of my elder colleagues know and respect my father and that's why they take care of me from time to time. :) The fruits of my father's labor is paying off.

Anyway, this just came to mind: The opposite of love is not hate. It's indifference.

And that's how I feel today.

My pet peeve

Pet peeve

According to the ever reliable wiki, a pet peeve (or pet hate) is a minor annoyance that can instill great frustration in a very small group of people, yet is experienced by everyone. It also must be insignificant, so people insulting you is not a pet peeve. For example, if you find that elevator doors closing before you can get in annoys you, but does not annoy all the people around you, it's a pet peeve, as it meets all three criteria: insignificant, experienced by all, and only you and a few others are annoyed by it.

I usually don't care about what other people say -as long as it is not done in a text speak manner. Don't you hate it when you're chatting with someone, the person you're chatting with types the words in a text speak manner? Say for example, I chatted with my niece earlier and she's asking me to teach her how to open the folder of her newly bought MP5 in the computer. She said:

Niece: diba cnaksak kuna ang mp5 tapoz gi click kouh ung send to tapoz ang gi click kouh removable disk j.
Niece: la pah pagnasaksak na ang mp5 i-open lang ang my computer....toz anouh sunod

Me: ayusin mo mag type kasi di ko maintindihan mag text speak ka
Me: chat ito hindi text

I am such a bitch ain't I? Haha! I hate it when people use text speak especially when chatting or when commenting on forums. I can deal with minor words such as "u" or "urs" but don't ever chat with me acting as if you're only texting me. That really hits my nerves. I can deal with improper grammar (because I commit some from time to time), typos (guilty as charged), and improper capitalizations. But never ever use text speak when you're dealing with me. Did I make myself clear? LOL.

So what's your pet peeve?

Do You Hold A Grudge?

I know some of my readers are clueless about what's bugging me lately. As much as I want to divulge the current events of my life, I'd rather not because I might say something that I'll regret in the future. So there. To give a hint about the "matter" let's say it has something to do with losing my best friend and the same person I really value and care most. Anyway, I'm okay. Really, thanks for the concern and care.

Thanks to Pam for the comfort foods (peanut kisses, biscocho, chocolates and butterscotch - although these are for the kids, lol) and for just listening to my rants. Thanks Karen for the calls. Thanks Laise for the laughs. You're the only people who know what really happened to me. Thanks.

Anyway, I'm not holding a grudge even if I really want to. Maybe I'm too forgiving that's why some people abuse me. But the hell I care. When I retaliate, I retaliate hard.

You Sometimes Hold a Grudge

You aren't exactly vengeful, but you're not going to forget when someone wrongs you. And while you'll forgive the small things, you don't hand out too many second chances to people who really screw up.

Do You Hold a Grudge?

Iiyak Mo Yan (Cry It Out)

I was down in the dumps yesterday, I could not concentrate on my job so I kept on bugging my co-teacher to cheer me up. Madness. There was one point when I was calling my BFF because I was about to lose my mind. And well, everyone said only one thing and that is for me to cry it out.

I had a hard time crying for some reason that I could not explain myself. But last night, finally, I was able to belt it all out. The kids are asleep and I was about to sleep when buckets of tears fell. It was a good feeling. Better than what I felt the whole day. I cried. For ten minutes or so, I just bawled. And I still think that it was great.

I am okay now, I'm back on my knees. Ms. Goody Teacher is once again inspired to teach. I think I handled the dilemma with grace and poise. I am still bugging my co-teacher but not as often as yesterday. And I can now smile. I have to work on some things worthy of my time.

For my lurkers, click this sentence to know what happened to me yesterday.

~~~~~~~
I noticed that I am getting quite a number of new "regulars" who read my blog. It's flattering really, and thanks. For the haters who read my misfortunes, may the good Lord bless you. For my relatives who visit, thanks. And whatever you read here, don't tell my mom. Hahaha. For my new found friends, old friends, old lurkers, thanks for the traffic and care. Hehe.

Now let's get 2009 rolling!

I Need a Friend Today

"I need a friend today."

I texted this line to a friend this morning thinking that that person will suddenly reply and console me. But the person didn't, and I'd like to think that I'm okay with that.

Well, I'm having some controversial issues to deal with this morning so I am still downhearted at the moment. There are accusations thrown at me and all I can do is grin and bear it. I know myself better than them and I will stand by my word that I will not compromise my credibility as a teacher for money or for anything. Sometimes it's more difficult to deal with parents than actually teach their kids. I am overwhelmed with the support of the parents who are also educators for they helped me explain to other parents how the computation of grades work. However, some parents are gullible so no matter how you explain things at them, they still wouldn't accept your explanation. So what can you do with those close minded ones?

Other than the controversy, I am also dealing with a personal battle. It is a battle that deals with denial, anger, bargaining and acceptance. I can't say exactly what level I am in but I'm good. I'm at this point in life where I think that there's no problem that I can't handle. So whatever it is, I would like to ask you to pray for me that I gain calmness and peace of mind. I'd love it if you do, and thanks in advance.

Where's my heart?

I know it's happy.

I know it's tired.

But somehow, I can't find it.

Can you look for it?

Classroom Fight

This is my 200th post.

I feel terrible today. This morning was a disaster.

It's our school's first periodical examination today and when I was proctoring my class, a girl cried and shouted at the top of her lungs. She threw the worst tantrum I have ever seen in my life. She was shouting, "Ayoko na! Ayaw ko na mag exam!" and "Sumbungin kita sa Mommy ko! Di ko alam kung ano ang sagot dito!"

As a teacher, I know that every child is unique and has different characteristics. However, this morning, I was at my wits end. The rest of my pupils were distracted by the screams and wails of that kid. God knows how I really really really want to punch her and throw her outside the classroom. I kind of shouted at her and told her that her actuations are not acceptable inside my classroom but it got me to no avail. She only screamed louder which made me feel very frustrated. Instead of attending to that pupil's tantrums, I tried very hard to keep my cool and said a little prayer:

God please grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change.

I think I was about to cry with my frustration to make that kid behave properly. So when everyone finished their exam, I asked that pupil not to go home for a serious talk and that made her scream, jump, shout and even curse at me. Everything's so physically draining. Not knowing what to do next, I hugged the girl and wiped her tears. Somehow, the mother instinct in me succeeded in dealing with the ordeal. My pupil stopped her tantrums right there and then, and I felt my tears streaming down my face, with guilt perhaps because I shouted at her. The girl eventually answered her examination papers, smiled and said goodbye at me when she finished.

I didn't mean to be overly mellow dramatic today but this incident somehow made me feel humane. I realized that I could control my anger and that the power of a 14 word prayer is very effective. I still feel drained at this moment but I also feel good about myself.

The Bra Theft

I'm lacking words for a catchy title today but here goes my story.

We have two helpers at home, one is Mylene and the other is Yeng. Mylene entered our home last March while Yeng joined our family only a month after Mylene. They're cousins so they get along very well. However, Mylene has an attitude. Say, for example, we give her a bar of chocolate, she will eat the chocolate without even offering to Yeng. She's always like that and my mother always talk to her regarding her selfishness. I usually give my old clothes to our helpers and both Mylene and Yeng are not an exception. When I brought out a carton of my old clothes last summer, I told Mylene to look for some clothes that will fit her and Yeng. What happened then was Mylene gave her own old clothes to her cousin and took all my clothes (in the carton) for herself. When my mom learned about this, she got miffed and scolded Mylene for being so selfish.

So anyway, two weeks ago, my mom noticed that our bras are getting few so she asked both Mylene and Yeng about it. The two girls told my mom that they'll look for our other bras. Last Saturday, however, when Mylene was folding the laundry, my mom told me to help her so I did. It was then that I noticed a familiar looking bra, my dream bra, and it has stitches! I then asked Mylene if the bra was mine, even if I was sure that it is mine, and unsurprisingly, Mylene said that she bought the bra herself. I then took a second look and told Mylene not to fool me because I saved my allowances fpr that piece. She still denied that it's my bra so I called my mother for salvation (LOL). When my mom started yanking at her, that's when the rest of our missing bras came out, and unfortunately, most of them already have stitches or slashes. Our ambitious Mylene had sewn our bras so that they will fit her and slashed some parts of them and took out the underwires. The nerve of that girl!

I'm furious with the fact that our family treated her warmly but she still did this to us. We give her everything she needs and even take her when we eat outside. I just can't imagine that she will do something like this- losing our trust in her. I want to kick her out of our house but we don't have a replacement yet. The matter of losing trust in someone makes me look at Mylene indifferently.